Yesterday was my 30 week check-up. Yep, you read that right!
30 weeks...were has the time flown?
It feels just like yesterday that I started feeling slightly sick and thought I had the stomach flu. Which turned into an extended stomach flu, you know, the 9 month kind. Ha. I make myself laugh sometimes.
I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell Hubby, which I did right away the very evening of getting that positive result. The joy on his face and the shout he let out made us all laugh. Baby J. included, even though he had no idea what was going on.
Now, I've turned the corner into the third trimester and am heading to the finish line. I couldn't be more excited if I tried. Well, I could. And I will. The moment the Dr. places that sweet little newborn baby in my arms.
So, anyways back to yesterday. Our check-up went really well. Baby #2 is growing nicely. A little bit faster than expected but it's no surprise to me. Baby J. measured 2 weeks ahead of time at each check-up once we hit 7 months. So, I wasn't surprised to see that Baby #2 (also known as VP and Little One) measured 1 week ahead of schedule.
Little One weighs a little over 1.5 kgs, which means he may very well turn out to be over 4 kgs at birth. Not a problem, Baby J. was over 4 kgs as well. And he's absolutely adorable so I know Little One will be as well.
Sometimes I find myself thinking about my little Baby J. and my soon to be newborn baby. It's during these times that my mind gets to comparing the two little guys. I'll feel my sweet Little One practicing his kickboxing in there and I'll compare it to the time I was pregnant with Baby J. Both of my pregnancies followed pretty much the same pattern- morning sickness- ehh not so bad, the second trimester took forever to pass, and the third trimester was filled with loads of kicks and punches from the resident Baby. As well as a lot of stress and worry that I wouldn't have everything prepared in time for the Baby's arrival.
Oh yes. Even though I've already had one Baby and kind of know how things are supposed to play out (they sometimes have a way of not following the plan) I still get stressed. And worried. Very worried. I worry that I might not have enough clothes ready, that the shampoo and lotion I plan to use for the Baby will irritate his skin, that Baby J. might not like the newest member of our family,etc. Mostly though, I worry that I will have trouble spending time with Baby J. and that he will feel like he comes in second to the new Baby.
I don't want my precious sweetheart to ever feel or think that.
So, I worry, fret, and stress about the best course of action to prevent that.
I think a lot of moms feel the same way I do. It's only natural. For a long period of time or maybe a short period of time there was only one child in the house. And that child received all the love and attention you had. Now, there is the impending arrival of the second child on the horizon and it's only natural to worry and fret a little. Will you be able to spend the quality time that each child needs with them? Will you be able to love both equally? Will you be able to divide your attention in equal parts?
Questions that no doubt each second time mother has asked herself.
Or at least I have.
And after a lot of worrying and stressing about this, I've come to the conclusion that Yes, I will be able to love both equally. Yes, I will divide my attention in equal parts, I'll work my hardest to make sure each of my children feels that they are just as loved and cared for as their other sibling.
After, realizing that, well let me tell you I finally was able to have a good nights sleep. And for once I was able to finally feel stress free and completely at peace in regards to this topic.
Did any of your pregnancies have you question yourself the same way?
Aren't We All Created In God's Image?
Thoughts on Insecurities.
The Bible clearly states that we are all created in God's Image. Genesis 1:27-So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Yet very few people take this message to heart. Actually, a more correct way of saying this would be very few women take this to heart. Yes, women are much more sensitive to other people's opinion of them and allow it to influence their lives in various ways. Which probably is one of the leading factors to why women become so very self-conscious.
For myself personally this topic is very sensitive. I have struggled for the better part of half my life with various insecurities. It ranged from the fact that I was born with brown hair , to my sense of style, and most often my weight. Looking back I firmly believe that had certain things people casually said never been said to begin with I might not have had a struggle with half of these insecurities. Actually, I wouldn't have had to struggle with them because they wouldn't have existed!
Except, the fact remains that those things were said and I did end up having these insecurities and fighting with them over and over. And losing those battles over and over. Even now I often find myself thinking one of the many lies because that's what insecurities actually are lies that the devil so casually feeds to our minds that we cannot even tell the difference between our own thoughts and the lies he implants in our brains.
The sad thing is that many women will not admit to their insecurities. Instead they hide them behind various excuses. For example, I would often times say
"I really need to diet it is extremely important to my health that I lose this weight." This in itself was not a lie. I definitely needed to lose weight for my health but I was using a truth as an excuse to diet so that the actual reason would never have to be spoken. I hated the way I looked and felt that if I could just lose several pounds I would finally be considered pretty or beautiful.
And each time I would look in the mirror I would feed myself the lies the devil planted in my mind. "You are ugly." " You are worthless in this shape." "You'll never be able to be really loved until you're skinny." Of course, I didn't think of these as lies at the time, I thought of them as self-motivation to help me want to lose the weight.
Like I said looking back now I realize how all these things worked to ruin something that God created perfect from the start.
I've also come to realize that insecurities can form for various reasons. But when you stop and take a very VERY close look at them you'll realize that they're all pretty much made up of two things.
The first being that people who suffer from insecurities cannot and sometimes will not accept the most basic of truths. Which is that:God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
This is so difficult to accept because God is in Himself PERFECTION. There are no flaws in Him. And the verse clearly says that God created man in His OWN image. Which means when we were created God made us perfect as well. This does not mean we are still perfect down the road. As we grow we encounter situations and people that affect us in either positive or negative ways. These encounters leave marks on us and the lives we lead. They also cause us to make good or bad choices and thus they take away from what God originally formed. Jeremiah 1:5-"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...".
But the fact still stands regardless of everything and anything that happens- God created man and women. And God does not make mistakes- therefore you CANNOT be a mistake. This then so effectively cancels out the insecurity/lie that - I am a mistake or God must have made a mistake when He created me.
There is also the fact that God created us with love. This alone should remind you that the pesky insecurity/lie that constantly makes you consider yourself not loved by anyone or worthless or even unworthy of being loved is exactly that-a lie. Obviously there is One who loved you enough to create you. He even found you so full of worth that He took the time to know you BEFORE He formed you in the womb.
There are so many insecurities/lies that can be dealt with if we just accept God's Word for what it is- the truth and fully live by it. In the end this Bible verse says it so wonderfully and straight to the point: John 8:32-" And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Yes, knowing and accepting that we are created in His image and thus accepting all the "little" truths that are a part of this bigger one, sets us free of a multitude of insecurities, lies, doubts or whatever you choose to call it.
Being able to do this. To accept this and live by it would take care of the second half of the problem.
The second half, you see lies within our ability to accept that other people can love us. Why would this be a problem? It is a problem because unless YOU can love YOURSELF, you cannot accept that others can love you.
How could anyone accept that other people can love them when they are unable to love themselves? And what's worse if you can't love yourself than how can possibly love your neighbor? Matthew 19:19 - "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Insecurities have a way of not only hurting the person who carries them but hurting the people around that person. Being able to love the people around you as the Bible commands and accepting that other people can love you is just one of the many ways insecurities can cause harm.
Once you are able to accept that God's truth is exactly that the truth and you start living by it you resolve a major part of the root problem that comes with an insecurity. After, that the ability to accept and love yourself for the way you are comes much easier. Ultimately, learning to love yourself for the season in which you are in life will allow you to, last but not least, feel the real love of the people around you. Allowing you to love them the way God commanded.
I hope my endless ramblings make sense to someone besides myself. Helping those who need it. I spent the better part of my life struggling with insecurities and ended up bringing some into my marriage. I would often times ask my husband- "Do you love me? Do you see me as beautiful? Am I as fat as I make myself out to be?" And he would often times answer- " Why do you keep asking me if I love you? Of course I do. You are beautiful and special. And you are not the way you see yourself. Why do you allow these insecurities to trouble you and upset you?"
It took me a long LONG time to realize all the things I've written about above
and to accept them into my life. The sad thing is that I always said I was a christian. You would think as a christian I would automatically know and live by everything from above. And yet, that wasn't the case in my situation. My mouth would spout out the words and to an extent I would live them. Yet, I was never fully able to accept them.
Until recently.
Now, I can look back and recognize the internal as well as external struggle I had. I just wish that it wouldn't have taken so long for me to get to this point in my life where I can finally look at myself in the mirror and say "You really are a beautiful creation." ; and were I can finally really accept the love that everyone around me has been offering me without questioning its sincerity.
But I can also rejoice in a powerful way at the fact that I can now not only love myself but love my God, my husband and my children in a much deeper and profound way than I was ever able to before. Not only that but now I can teach my children to love this way and the real meaning of living a life by God's Word.
I visualized my own insecurities as a pair of shackles that bound my hands and feet keeping me from fully enjoying the life I was given. Once, I finally allowed myself to accept the power of God's Word in my life I literally could see them falling away broken by a love and truth so pure that the insecurities that had tied me down until that moment were no longer able to hold me captive.
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