A Mother's Feelings.

Image taken from google. Design created by me on canva.com

Today was mostly spent remembering and pondering how amazing it is to be a mother. To be Baby J.'s mother.

I was cleaning out our bookcase and came across Baby J.'s photo album. 

I didn't even need to think about it before I opened it.

There are so many memories in there and so many more waiting to be made. And that thought is so exciting.

Looking at that first ultrasound picture had my eyes tearing up. By the time I reached the last photo I was a crying mess. But the bawling really got started when my sweet little boy crawled into my lap and snuggled himself close to me. 

It amazes me that I am his mother. Often times I feel the need to pinch myself...to make sure that this is not a dream. That I am not dreaming up this wonderful reality.

Looking at my him, makes my heart pound a double rhythm filled with joy and awe. Hubby and I often comment to each other on the happiness that such a little person has brought into our lives. We love spending time just playing with Baby J. and watching his face break into those gorgeous baby smiles. Those little dimples flash each time he smiles and when the grins and laughing get started we get little glimpses of his baby teeth. He is always ready to play, be hugged, and kissed. I love telling him that God must have measured in an extra dose of lovable when He made him because mommy and daddy can't stop loving on him. 

Each time I look at him my heart fills to overflowing. 

I much prefer having to wake up at night because he needs me, having diaper explosions to clean, toys to pick up, running after him so he doesn't get into mischief, a wacky sleeping schedule, and cuddling him close to my heart. I would NEVER EVER want things to go back to the way they were.

The quiet evenings, the uninterrupted nights, no toys anywhere, and peaceful mealtimes... these things make me shudder because they remind me of a time before my life was filled to overflowing with the joy that our little baby brought us.

Being a mommy was everything I've wanted it to be and more. 

I cannot believe almost ten months have come and gone since he's joined our family. Each day is so precious to me because I get to spend it not only doing things I love but I get to spend it with little Baby J. I have so much fun watching him discover new things in our world; I wish I could capture every moment on film. I realize how quickly time flies by and I wish I could slow it done so that I could have a longer time with him at each stage in his life. 

My heart squeezes in on itself at the thought that a few years from now he might not like it when I try to kiss his sweet face or hug him close because he'll see himself as to big a boy for mommy to cuddle him. But I guess most mommy's feel and fear the same thing. It must come as part of the mommy package. 

I've tried to express just how much I love my little baby on here but I realize now... there are no words that could ever do justice to just how deep and strong my love is. I could write hundreds of pages and it wouldn't be enough. My love for this little one currently napping in my lap is indescribable. 

But there are two words that come to mind when I try to describe it.

Unconditional.

Forever.

I'll never need a reason to love him, he'll never have to do anything to win it. There will never be a limit on it. Time cannot make it fade away. 

I will forever love him unconditionally because he is my son.